Punked Out

There will be no blog about my Master Cleansing experience. I decided to opt out of this one after I did further research and found out I had to do a salt water flush and drink laxative tea in the morning and at night, respectively. Not only does that sound…uh, not good for the body to do for 10 days straight, but I don’t want to be going to the toilet every 15 minutes. Plus, my butt would hurt after awhile.

However, I HAVE decided to go on the leek cleanse. It’s less severe and it’s only for two days. My roommate told me about the leek detox while reading the book, French Women Don’t Get Fat: The Secret to Eating for Pleasure. While the author does this mainly to lose weight, my intention is to clean out my system and start off my year fresh so to speak. The diet (if that’s what you want to call it) is easy to follow:

Magical Leek Soup (Broth)

Serves 1 for the weekend


2 pounds leeks

1. Clean the leeks and rinse well to get rid of sand and soil. Cut off the ends of the dark green parts, leaving all the white parts plus a suggestion of pale green. (Reserve the extra greens for soup stock.)

2. Put the leeks in a large pot and cover with water. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat, and simmer uncovered for 20 to 30 minutes. Pour off the liquid and reserve. Place the leeks in a bowl.

The juice is to be drunk (reheated or at room temperature to taste) every 2 to 3 hours, 1 cup at a time. For meals, or whenever hungry, have some of the leeks themselves, 1/2 cup at a time. Drizzle with a few drops of extra-virgin olive oil and lemon juice. Season sparingly with salt and pepper. Sprinkle with chopped parsley if you wish.

This will be your nourishment for both days, until Sunday dinner, when you can have a small piece of meat or fish (4 to 6 ounces — don’t lose that scale yet!), with 2 vegetables, steamed with a bit of butter or olive oil, and a piece of fruit.

Thanks Mireille Guiliano.

In other news, one of my co-workers came to my office this morning and asked if I had any lotion. Nope. Sorry buddy. No Jergens. I looked in my desk drawer, though, hoping to find any left over bottles and came upon a sample size of Burt’s Bee’s Radiance Day Creme.


I’m loving this stuff. This is actually facial moisturizer but Burt sells it for the body, too, so I’m way stoked. For the past month I’ve been particular about my skin and hair care. Kind of strange, really, cos I never paid too much attention to this stuff. But then I went home for the holiday and used the Herbal Essences “Body Envy” volumizing shampoo and conditioner that my mom is so fond of. My hair dried and when I looked in the mirror, I could not help but marvel at how shiny and smooth and silky looking my hair was. It was like an epiphany almost. It was like, OK, I know why Suave does not cost as much Herbal Essences. I know why those ladies in that hair commercial go buckwild. It’s because their hair looks and feels fabulous. It’s because for two dollars extra, I pay for quality that also smells good. Really good. Sometimes, when I was bored, I would smell my hair. I know that sounds weird but it’s true. My bathroom smells delicious after I take a shower. Like I just stepped in a sauna of coconut and citrus and palm trees…But back to Burt’s Bees.

This Burt’s Bees creme is amazing. My hands are moisturized but not greasy. The scent is light and not overpowering like a lot of those fruity Bath and Body Works lotions. I went on the Burt’s Bees Web site to see where I can purchase products from their line in person but to no avail. I know Target has some stuff…

Anyway, you have no idea how exciting this is for me. I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect body lotion for the longest time. I’m using Johnson and Johnson’s baby lotion in cucumber melon but the scent doesn’t seem to mesh well with me. I like the baby products cos they’re made for sensitive baby skin and I’m a sensitive girl. I mean, I have sensitive skin. For awhile I was all up on the Jergen’s cos I find the almond scent refreshing but I’m ready for a change. Something new.

I was reading this post and got all inspired to up the ante on the smelling good and taking care of myself bit. I can’t be walking around all nasty smelling, dry skin, and greasy-haired. Hmmm, I guess I’m growing up but, you know, I don’t want to be talked about like Matthew McConaughey minus the walking around half-naked all the time part cos I don’t have any inclination to walk around half-naked even though it’s “freeing” and shit.

I’ve become a product whore now as well as maintain product loyalty once I have found something that works. I will forever wash my face with Cetaphil cleanser and use the Cosmedicine Medi-morphosis Self-Adjusting Exfoliator twice a week after washing my face. Although, I am trying out the St. Ives apricot facial scrub and that’s working out pretty well now. The Greek skin care line, Korres, is wonderful and I’m a huge fan of their Wild-Rose 24-hour face moisturizer with SPF. Anything with SPF is a must. Do you want to look like this when you’re 60? Yeah, thought so. I apply the moisturizer when my skin is still hydrated after showering. When I was home, I applied Johnson and Johson’s baby oil on my elbows, knees, and behind my ears and it worked like a charm as far as moisturizing those tough places. I haven’t gotten around to buying oils yet now that I’m back in D.C., but I’m getting there. Like I mentioned before I’ve been using the Johnson’s cucumber melon baby lotion but once I get my hands on that Burt’s Bees I will be wearing that shit out. Bliss’s Lemon+Sage Body Butter, however, is pretty awesome but I can’t afford to be going down to fucking Sephora to pay thirty-something dollars for lotion every other month or so. I mean, I care about this stuff but my measly recent college grad budget doesn’t allow for it. Also, it seems kind of off to pay ridiculous amounts of money on creams and lotions (ahem, CREME DE LA MER). Sure I’ll look glowy glowy like J.Lo (maybe) but that’s just nutso. Two hundred dollars gets me more than two week’s worth of groceries.

On a completely different note, I watched Superbad for the first time last week. My friend IMed me a link to a Google stream version online. There are no words that can possibly express just how much this movie gives me the warm tinglies and makes me laugh like a crazy person. I loved the movie so much I went out and bought it the next day. That’s how badly I wanted to OWN it. Do you remember that scene where Evan and Becca are talking and Becca goes to give Evan his pen back? And then they start talking about the “fun shit” Evan did last weekend? And Becca says, “That sounds like a lot of fun. You know, I’d like to do something like that sometime.” And then Evan says, “Oh, who wouldn’t? You know, me and Seth are always cooking up…” I literally said out loud, “Oh. My. God. I am an 18-year-old boy trapped in a 22-year-old girl’s body.” Yeah, I said that. I’m definitely one of those people who says, “Me? You like me? You think I’m attractive?” I mean, really. It probably sounds like I’m fishing for compliments or that I’m insecure as fuck but for as long as I can remember I’ve always played the role of best friend to the hot chick or the really pretty girl. Or the third wheel to the serious long-term relationship couple. I’ve always been slightly bigger or too short. I didn’t really start wearing makeup until I started working and I’ve never looked cute or hot at the gym. Have you seen some of those girls? I’m no hater. You know, flaunt what you got, shake what your mama gave you. But, Jesus, I do NOT want to see the outline of your thong line seeping through from those mid-calf leggings of your’s. So when some dude expresses interest in me, I flat out deny it and refuse to accept it. That’s just the way I am, which is terrible cos think of all those missed opportunities but whatever. Not that I’ve gotten plenty of opportunities but who’s counting?

I think I’m still going through that long ass awkward stage (which started when I was 10 and magically grew boobies and complained about dealing with the hormones). Hopefully, it will come to pass soon cos I don’t want to be one of those annoying people who goes on about feeling awkward when they’re, like, 30. Aren’t you supposed to be gracious and accepting of your faults and your cellulite because you have a husband and kids and having kids is humbling? Husband? Kids? What? OK, this is getting too personal.

I love Michael Cera. That is all.

P.S. My blog stats tell me that the majority of people who happen on this blog are those searching for “isla fisher” or “isla fischer” or “Isla Fischer.” Seriously! My picture post of Isla’s amazing pregnant belly is the most viewed post out of all the posts I’ve written. What’s the scoop on Isla guys? I know she’s great but I didn’t know she’s THAT great.



  1. YO. SO weird. I was going to try out that master cleanse too, but I didn’t want to deal with all the water shits too. how was the leek cleanse?

    I love that you love superbad and bought the movie the next day because that’s precisely what I did! Michael Cera fo’evs.

    I’m interested in more product reviews. esp lotion.

    ❤ talk soon

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